We love all sorts of humor, but there’s something to be said about a bad joke. And not in the sense of being offensive – we’re talking about those quick, corny jokes and puns that’ll have you rolling your eyes in a futile attempt to cover up the fact that you actually thought it was kind of funny.
These are the jokes that you’d find in a “500+ Jokes to Tell at A Party” book which is somehow in every bathroom. Or, the ones that make you feel so much like a dad that you’re one pun away from wearing socks with your sandals and tucking your t-shirt into your cargos.
Are they complex and thought provoking? Of course not! Are they an easy way to break up awkward silence? Only if you want to make it even more awkward.
So, sit backwards on your chair and level with the kids, because we’ve gathered more than 50 bad jokes to pull out at your next party or whenever you need a little pick-me-up.
73 Bad Jokes We Hate to Love
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
- Why are colds bad criminals? Because they’re easy to catch.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Which knight invented King Arthur’s Round Table? Sir Cumference.
- What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
- What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
- What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time!
- What’s the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.
- What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye, matey!”
- What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
- What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick!
- What kind of car does an egg drive? A Yolkswagen.
- Why should you never eat a clock? Because it’s too time-consuming.
- What should a sick bird do? Get tweetment.
- How did Ebenezer Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed!
- Did you hear about the mediocre restaurant on the moon? It has great food but no atmosphere.
- What kinds of pictures do hermit crabs take? Shellfies.
- What do you get a man with the heart of a lion? A lifetime ban from the zoo.
- What do you call a person with a briefcase in a tree? A branch manager.
- Why did the baby cookie cry? Because its mother was a wafer so long.
- What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One you’ll see later, the other you’ll see in a while.
- Why did Cyclops close his school? He only had one pupil.
- Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Poor guy really needed some space.
- Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it’s too far to walk.
- What was the mummy’s favorite type of music? Wrap.
- How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheberg!
- What did one wall say to the other? “Meet me at the corner!”
- Did you hear about the beautiful wedding? Even the cake was in tiers.
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.
- Why did Mozart hate chickens? Because when he asked them for their favorite composer, they said, “Bach! Bach! Bach!”
- What did the drummer name her twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two.
- What’s big, gray and doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
- Why did the snowman pick through a bag of carrots? Because he was picking his nose.
- Did you hear about the guy who won the award for best knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.
- Why did Cinderella get kicked off of the soccer team? Because she kept running from the ball!
- How many ears do space aliens have? Three: The left ear, right ear and the final front ear.
- I have the world’s worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible.
- What do you call a canine magician? A labracadabrador.
- The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels.
- What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
- Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory? Because he took a few days off.
- I sold my vacuum yesterday. It was just collecting dust.
- Did you hear about the satellites’ wedding? The ceremony was OK, but the reception was terrific.
- What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
- What do you call a person with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
- What’s green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- I left my job at a shoe disposal plant. It was sole destroying.
- The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
- Two guys walks into a bar. The third guy ducks.
- Why do ghosts love elevators? Because they lift their spirits.
- What did the princess say in the photo booth? “Someday my prints will come.”
- How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment? Tenants.
- What did one elevator say to the other? “I think I’m coming down with something.”
- What’s a foot’s favorite snack? Dori-toes.
- The shovel was a truly groundbreaking invention.
- What did Sushi A say to Sushi B? “Wasa-B!”
- You know why they called it “the dark ages?” There were too many knights.
- What’s the loudest kind of pet you can get? A trumpet.
- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One asks the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
- Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
- Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy.
- A man died after drinking varnish. It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.
- What’s the difference between Prince William and a tennis ball? One is heir to the throne and one is thrown in the air.
- Why was the broom late for a meeting? It overswept.
- What’s the best part about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
- What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
- Did you know the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece!
Hebba is a New Jersey born, Minnesota educated brunch enthusiast who is strongly in favor of the Oxford comma. She likes nostalgic songs, jigsaw puzzles, and middle brownie pieces. She dislikes humidity, sports, and sports in humidity. She uses her background in science and creative writing as part of the team behind the podcast Two What's?! and a Wow! You can find her being silly on Twitter and serious on LinkedIn.
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