What Will Your February Horoscope Reveal?

It’s February! Time for the Super Bowl, Lunar New Year, Valentine’s Day, and Puxatawny Phil letting us know that despite the Polar Vortex, spring is just around the corner. Happy birthday, Aquarius readers!

We asked our resident funny horoscope expert to tell us what’s in the stars for you in February, and hold on to your seats! Things are gonna get bumpy. (Especially if you let Aries drive.)

Without further ado, here are your funny horoscopes for February 2019!

Funny Horoscopes for February - Valentine's Candy — *Photo by Raw Pixel on Unsplash*

Your February Horoscopes for 2019

Capricorn

The new moon in Aquarius is going to shake up all your plans. Go for it. Get crazy. Add pineapple to your pizza.

Aquarius

A financial windfall comes your way when you find an old Starbucks card with $17 on it.

Pisces

A miscommunication with a love interest could leave you feeling confused. Sometimes things just don’t make sense, like how Aquarius isn’t a fellow water sign.

Aries

The moon in Sagittarius connects with the sun at 3:01 AM, while your ruling planet enters your sector at 90° at 6:47 AM. All in all this should mean good vibes.

Taurus

The moon in Capricorn should have you feeling romantic. You could meet a potential love interest soon. Emphasis on could.

Gemini

Your secret admirer could make themselves known soon. (Thanks for the chocolates, mom.)

Cancer

Today could be a challenge for you. Things will not go your way. In other words, a pretty normal day.

Leo

Solid, emotionally honest communication can help clear up some of your problems. Maybe just send a text instead?

Virgo

Today finds you in a good mental space to do some writing. You could end up spending hours wordsmithing. Don’t worry about the final product. Send the tweet.

Libra

The subject of money could come up when friends want to split the bill even though you didn’t order any cocktails.

Scorpio

Focus on what you have, not what other people have. Wait, did Katie go to Paris again? She was just in Spain. There’s no way she makes that much money.

Sagittarius

Expect a meeting to take place soon that could’ve just been a simple email.

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Sean Peecook

Sean Peecook is a tall and silly copywriter and comedian from Chicago, Illinois. See him on the stage at Second City, or at the theater watching the next Paddington movie alone. You can find him on Twitter at @notgreganymore.